Strange rumors about Jews
Okay, final exams are all over but the crying:). I think I will receive good marks. I'm exhausted and brain dead, but I have regained some cognitive ability:)
So, I heard some really funny stories about Jews in Iraq. If you do not understand "irony" then perhaps this post is not for you:).
1. There were 100 Rabbi's fighting in Falluja!
Holy smcholly, you're kidding me! LOL. I suppose that Falluja needed all of the "blessings" it could get from whatever faith was willing to show up there, but.... Whatever you do, if you believe this, which I don't, don't tell the Rabbinical Councils because we have such a Rabbi shortage they would plotz if they found 100, or even 10 Rabbis' in one location. You know it takes 10 years to be ordained as a Rabbi and most are not exactly the "combat" types by the time they are done with school. Even the image in my mind of 100 Rabbi's fighting in Iraq really cracks me up (no offense to Rabbi's but...it's just too funny to picture that).
I remember after 9/11, the first time they raised the terror level in the US, and there were Chassids (really orthodox Jews, not too common in the US) and they were patroling the streets of Crown Heights, NY with guns. At this time I was doing volunteer work at the Synagogue in my city and the female Rabbi rushed into the room laughing a lot! She had a call from her parents in New York and they told her that the Chassids were trying to get a bus stop removed because they thought it was a danger AND they were running around with concealed weapons and taking turns guarding the neighborhood. We all pictured this in our minds and burst out laughing. They would probably be quite able to defend the neighborhood, but the greatest likelyhood is that they would shoot themselves in the foot first.
2. The US are bringing in a bunch of Jews and hiding them.
Well...yeah...cause the Jews join the US military too, and they also speak Arabic in large numbers so I would imagine this is the case. As for hiding them...how would YOU like to be a US coalition member, whether military or helping with reconstruction AND be Jewish? Now, THAT wouldn't just get you beheaded; THAT would be a long torture session videotaped...I think they would resort to an old medieval torture like flaying the skin from their bodies. Ummmm....I think I would hide out too, wouldn't you?
3. The "Jews" are buying up land in Iraq.
This seems like a good sign if you ask me. In keeping with the international jewish conspiracy theory's, the Jews are shrewd investors. Obviously, they would not be buying land if they didn't think it was a good investment:). But seriously, I don't know of any instance of this happening. Perhaps it's one of those secret Jews that the US is hiding. I can't imagine why they want to buy land there to live on. That doesn't sound like a great place for Jews to live (maybe someday, but not now). They seem to have enough trouble with the land they have.
Now, I would not be too surprised if Jews were buying land for Kurds. They do things like that. In fact, I have proposed to the International Jewish Conspiracy that they purchase Kurdistan and give it to Kurds. They have been surprisingly receptitve to this notion, but they are worried that rumors will fly all around that "Jews are buying land in Iraq" and so the psuedo-reality fails to become a reality because of the fear of increaing the perceptions of the pseudo-reality. Did you get that?
There are secrets that the International Jewish Conspiracy knows about Kurds that most Kurds don't know, just the Jewish Kurds know this, and then only vaguely...I will tell you them but it entails risk. You see, many Jews (and some Christians too) think of Kurds as a lost tribe of Israel. Is that sort of like finding out you are adopted? Now, the Arabs don't know this, so I will erase this if you think it will make matters more difficult, but sometimes it's not a bad idea to be considered lost family members of a tribe that can help, rather than Iraqis who seem to want to kill you all (well, not all, but many). So here it is the secret is revealed...it's because Kurds are likely to be both ancestors and descendents of...you guessed it...Jews.
Boy am I going to catch hell for posting this:)! I might lose my membership card to the International Jewish Conpspiracy. YIKES!
"The history of Judaism in Kurdistan is ancient. The Talmud holds that Jewish deportees were settled in Kurdistan 2800 years ago by the Assyrian king Shalmaneser Ill (r. 858-824 BC). As indicated in the Talmud, the Jews eventually were given permission by the rabbinic authorities to convert local Kurds. They were exceptionally successful in their endeavor. The illustrious Kurdish royal house of Adiabene, with Arbil as its capital, was converted to Judaism in the course of the 1st century BC, along with, it appears, a large number of Kurdish citizens in the kingdom (see Irbil/Arbil in Encyclopaedia Judaica). The name of the Kurdish king Monobazes (related etymologically to the name of the ancient Mannaeans), his queen Helena, and his son and successor Izates (derived from yazata, "angel"), are preserved as the first proselytes of this royal house (Ginzberg 1968, VI.412). But this is chronologically untenable as Monobazes' effective rule began only in AD 18. In fact during the Roman conquest of Judea and Samaria (68-67 BC), it was only Kurdish Adiabene that sent provisions and troops to the rescue of the beseiged Galilee (Grayzel 1968, 163)-an inexplicable act if Adiabene was not already Jewish (see Classical History). Many modern Jewish historians like Kahle (1959), who believes Adiabene was Jewish by the middle of the 1st century BC, and Neusner (1986), who goes for the middle of the lst century AD, have tried unsuccessfully to reconcile this chronolgical discrepancy. All agree that by the beginning of the 2nd century AD, at any rate, Judaism was firmly established in central Kurdistan.
Like many other Jewish communities, Christianity found Adiabene a fertile ground for conversion in the course of 4th and 5th centuries. Despite this, Jews remained a populous group in Kurdistan until the middle of the present century and the creation of the state of Israel. At home and in the synagogues, Kurdish Jews speak a form of ancient Aramaic called Suriy,4ni (i.e., "Assyrian"), and in commerce and the larger society they speak Kurdish. Many aspects of Kurdish and Jewish life and culture have become so intertwined that some of the most popular folk stories accounting for Kurdish ethnic origins connect them with the Jews. Some maintain that the Kurds sprang from one of the lost tribes of Israel, while others assert that the Kurds emerged through an episode involving King Solomon and the genies under his command (see Folklore & Folk Tales).
The relative freedom of Kurdish women among the Kurdish Jews led in the 17th century to the ordination of the first woman rabbi, Rabbi Asenath B5rzani, the daughter of the illustrious Rabbi Samuel Bârzâni (d. ca. 1630), who founded many Judaic schools and seminaries in Kurdistan. For her was coined the term tanna'ith, the feminine form for a Talmudic scholar. Eventually, MAMA ("Lady") Asenath became the head of the prestigious Judaic academy at Mosul (Mann 1932).
The tombs of Biblical prophets like Nahum in Alikush, Jonah in Nabi Yunis (ancient Nineveh), Daniel in Kirkuk, Habakkuk in Tuisirkan, and Queen Esther and Mordechai in Hamadân, and several caves reportedly visited by Elijah are among the most important Jewish shrines in Kurdistan and are venerated by all Jews today.
The Alliance Isra6lite Universelle opened schools and many other facilities in Kurdistan for education and fostered progress among the Jewish Kurds as early as 1906 (Cuenca 1960). Non-Jewish Kurds also benefitted vastly, since children were accepted into these schools regardless of their religious affiliation. A new class of educated and well-trained citizens was being founded in Kurdistan. Operations of the Alliance continued until soon after the creation of Israel.
Many Kurdish Jews have recently emigrated to Israel. However, they live in their own neighborhoods in Israel and still celebrate Kurdish life and culture, including Kurdish festivals, costumes, and music in some of its most original forms.
Further Readings and Bibliography: Encyclopaedia ludaica, entries on Kurds and Irbil/Arbil; Louis Ginzberg, The Legends of the Jews, 5th cd. (Phdadelphia: The Jewish Publication Society of America, 1968); Jacob Mann, Texts and Studies in Jeu45/i History and Literature, vol. I (London, 1932); Yona Sabar, The Folk Literature of the Kurdi5tani Jews (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1982); Paul MagnareHa, "A Note on Aspects of Social Life among the Jewish Kurds of Sanandaj, Iran," Jwish Journal of SociologyXl.l (1969); Walter Fischel, "The Jews of Kurdistan," Commentary VIII.6 (1949); Andr6 Cuenca, "L'oeuvre de I'Aflance Isra6lite Universelle en Iran," in Les droits de I'dducation (Paris: UNESCO, 1960); Dina Feitelson, "Aspects of the Social Life of Kurdish Jews," jeiwsh Journal of Sociology 1.2 (1910); Walter Fischel, "The Jews of Kurdistan, a Hundred Years Ago," Jewish Social Studie5 (1944); Solomon Grayzel, A History of the Jews (New York: Mentor, 1968); Paul Kahle, The Cairo Geniza (Oxford, 1959); Jacob Neusner, ludaism, Christianity, and Zoroastrianism in Talmudic Babylonia (New York; University Press of America, 1986).
Sources: The Kurds, A Concise Handbook, By Prof. Mehrdad R. Izady, Dep. of Near Easter Languages and Civilazation Harvard University, USA, 1992"
So, I heard some really funny stories about Jews in Iraq. If you do not understand "irony" then perhaps this post is not for you:).
1. There were 100 Rabbi's fighting in Falluja!
Holy smcholly, you're kidding me! LOL. I suppose that Falluja needed all of the "blessings" it could get from whatever faith was willing to show up there, but.... Whatever you do, if you believe this, which I don't, don't tell the Rabbinical Councils because we have such a Rabbi shortage they would plotz if they found 100, or even 10 Rabbis' in one location. You know it takes 10 years to be ordained as a Rabbi and most are not exactly the "combat" types by the time they are done with school. Even the image in my mind of 100 Rabbi's fighting in Iraq really cracks me up (no offense to Rabbi's but...it's just too funny to picture that).
I remember after 9/11, the first time they raised the terror level in the US, and there were Chassids (really orthodox Jews, not too common in the US) and they were patroling the streets of Crown Heights, NY with guns. At this time I was doing volunteer work at the Synagogue in my city and the female Rabbi rushed into the room laughing a lot! She had a call from her parents in New York and they told her that the Chassids were trying to get a bus stop removed because they thought it was a danger AND they were running around with concealed weapons and taking turns guarding the neighborhood. We all pictured this in our minds and burst out laughing. They would probably be quite able to defend the neighborhood, but the greatest likelyhood is that they would shoot themselves in the foot first.
2. The US are bringing in a bunch of Jews and hiding them.
Well...yeah...cause the Jews join the US military too, and they also speak Arabic in large numbers so I would imagine this is the case. As for hiding them...how would YOU like to be a US coalition member, whether military or helping with reconstruction AND be Jewish? Now, THAT wouldn't just get you beheaded; THAT would be a long torture session videotaped...I think they would resort to an old medieval torture like flaying the skin from their bodies. Ummmm....I think I would hide out too, wouldn't you?
3. The "Jews" are buying up land in Iraq.
This seems like a good sign if you ask me. In keeping with the international jewish conspiracy theory's, the Jews are shrewd investors. Obviously, they would not be buying land if they didn't think it was a good investment:). But seriously, I don't know of any instance of this happening. Perhaps it's one of those secret Jews that the US is hiding. I can't imagine why they want to buy land there to live on. That doesn't sound like a great place for Jews to live (maybe someday, but not now). They seem to have enough trouble with the land they have.
Now, I would not be too surprised if Jews were buying land for Kurds. They do things like that. In fact, I have proposed to the International Jewish Conspiracy that they purchase Kurdistan and give it to Kurds. They have been surprisingly receptitve to this notion, but they are worried that rumors will fly all around that "Jews are buying land in Iraq" and so the psuedo-reality fails to become a reality because of the fear of increaing the perceptions of the pseudo-reality. Did you get that?
There are secrets that the International Jewish Conspiracy knows about Kurds that most Kurds don't know, just the Jewish Kurds know this, and then only vaguely...I will tell you them but it entails risk. You see, many Jews (and some Christians too) think of Kurds as a lost tribe of Israel. Is that sort of like finding out you are adopted? Now, the Arabs don't know this, so I will erase this if you think it will make matters more difficult, but sometimes it's not a bad idea to be considered lost family members of a tribe that can help, rather than Iraqis who seem to want to kill you all (well, not all, but many). So here it is the secret is revealed...it's because Kurds are likely to be both ancestors and descendents of...you guessed it...Jews.
Boy am I going to catch hell for posting this:)! I might lose my membership card to the International Jewish Conpspiracy. YIKES!
"The history of Judaism in Kurdistan is ancient. The Talmud holds that Jewish deportees were settled in Kurdistan 2800 years ago by the Assyrian king Shalmaneser Ill (r. 858-824 BC). As indicated in the Talmud, the Jews eventually were given permission by the rabbinic authorities to convert local Kurds. They were exceptionally successful in their endeavor. The illustrious Kurdish royal house of Adiabene, with Arbil as its capital, was converted to Judaism in the course of the 1st century BC, along with, it appears, a large number of Kurdish citizens in the kingdom (see Irbil/Arbil in Encyclopaedia Judaica). The name of the Kurdish king Monobazes (related etymologically to the name of the ancient Mannaeans), his queen Helena, and his son and successor Izates (derived from yazata, "angel"), are preserved as the first proselytes of this royal house (Ginzberg 1968, VI.412). But this is chronologically untenable as Monobazes' effective rule began only in AD 18. In fact during the Roman conquest of Judea and Samaria (68-67 BC), it was only Kurdish Adiabene that sent provisions and troops to the rescue of the beseiged Galilee (Grayzel 1968, 163)-an inexplicable act if Adiabene was not already Jewish (see Classical History). Many modern Jewish historians like Kahle (1959), who believes Adiabene was Jewish by the middle of the 1st century BC, and Neusner (1986), who goes for the middle of the lst century AD, have tried unsuccessfully to reconcile this chronolgical discrepancy. All agree that by the beginning of the 2nd century AD, at any rate, Judaism was firmly established in central Kurdistan.
Like many other Jewish communities, Christianity found Adiabene a fertile ground for conversion in the course of 4th and 5th centuries. Despite this, Jews remained a populous group in Kurdistan until the middle of the present century and the creation of the state of Israel. At home and in the synagogues, Kurdish Jews speak a form of ancient Aramaic called Suriy,4ni (i.e., "Assyrian"), and in commerce and the larger society they speak Kurdish. Many aspects of Kurdish and Jewish life and culture have become so intertwined that some of the most popular folk stories accounting for Kurdish ethnic origins connect them with the Jews. Some maintain that the Kurds sprang from one of the lost tribes of Israel, while others assert that the Kurds emerged through an episode involving King Solomon and the genies under his command (see Folklore & Folk Tales).
The relative freedom of Kurdish women among the Kurdish Jews led in the 17th century to the ordination of the first woman rabbi, Rabbi Asenath B5rzani, the daughter of the illustrious Rabbi Samuel Bârzâni (d. ca. 1630), who founded many Judaic schools and seminaries in Kurdistan. For her was coined the term tanna'ith, the feminine form for a Talmudic scholar. Eventually, MAMA ("Lady") Asenath became the head of the prestigious Judaic academy at Mosul (Mann 1932).
The tombs of Biblical prophets like Nahum in Alikush, Jonah in Nabi Yunis (ancient Nineveh), Daniel in Kirkuk, Habakkuk in Tuisirkan, and Queen Esther and Mordechai in Hamadân, and several caves reportedly visited by Elijah are among the most important Jewish shrines in Kurdistan and are venerated by all Jews today.
The Alliance Isra6lite Universelle opened schools and many other facilities in Kurdistan for education and fostered progress among the Jewish Kurds as early as 1906 (Cuenca 1960). Non-Jewish Kurds also benefitted vastly, since children were accepted into these schools regardless of their religious affiliation. A new class of educated and well-trained citizens was being founded in Kurdistan. Operations of the Alliance continued until soon after the creation of Israel.
Many Kurdish Jews have recently emigrated to Israel. However, they live in their own neighborhoods in Israel and still celebrate Kurdish life and culture, including Kurdish festivals, costumes, and music in some of its most original forms.
Further Readings and Bibliography: Encyclopaedia ludaica, entries on Kurds and Irbil/Arbil; Louis Ginzberg, The Legends of the Jews, 5th cd. (Phdadelphia: The Jewish Publication Society of America, 1968); Jacob Mann, Texts and Studies in Jeu45/i History and Literature, vol. I (London, 1932); Yona Sabar, The Folk Literature of the Kurdi5tani Jews (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1982); Paul MagnareHa, "A Note on Aspects of Social Life among the Jewish Kurds of Sanandaj, Iran," Jwish Journal of SociologyXl.l (1969); Walter Fischel, "The Jews of Kurdistan," Commentary VIII.6 (1949); Andr6 Cuenca, "L'oeuvre de I'Aflance Isra6lite Universelle en Iran," in Les droits de I'dducation (Paris: UNESCO, 1960); Dina Feitelson, "Aspects of the Social Life of Kurdish Jews," jeiwsh Journal of Sociology 1.2 (1910); Walter Fischel, "The Jews of Kurdistan, a Hundred Years Ago," Jewish Social Studie5 (1944); Solomon Grayzel, A History of the Jews (New York: Mentor, 1968); Paul Kahle, The Cairo Geniza (Oxford, 1959); Jacob Neusner, ludaism, Christianity, and Zoroastrianism in Talmudic Babylonia (New York; University Press of America, 1986).
Sources: The Kurds, A Concise Handbook, By Prof. Mehrdad R. Izady, Dep. of Near Easter Languages and Civilazation Harvard University, USA, 1992"
posted by Emmunah at 6:26 AM
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